Monday, January 16, 2012

Where, oh where, could The Dreaming be?

Syd: “Would you stop already? They can eat next year. You’ve fed those kids day after day for their whole lives, and you’ve even fed that new hubby of yours for almost a year. What do they expect, a slave for life? Besides, they can take care of themselves ... shit, your kids are almost as old as I am. Surely they can fry their own damn bacon by now. So, just sit your butt back down in that chair before I glue your ass to it!”

Michelle: “You know, for someone who wouldn’t have a voice without me, you sure as hell can be ungrateful. If I break these yolks because of you breathing down my neck, I’m gonna make you eat them half raw! Besides, I like spending time with William and the kids, doing things for them, laughing with them ... just sharing space with them. You, on the other hand, I could seriously use a little vacation from!”

Syd: “Perfect! So, finish The Dreaming already and bada-bing bada-boom you can plant yourself on some beautiful little Syd-free beach in the Caribbean! Hell, I won’t even breathe in your direction for a full two weeks. You can fry all the bacon your little heart desires for one week and still have seven days left to go cavort around in the sun with your hubby.

After that, though, the writing hat goes back on and your tanned little butt is mine until Bone Dressing: The Awakening is a done deal. So you’d better stock up on all your silly little writing shtuff ... candles, incense, coffee, music ... and give your stupid little Zombie writing buddy a manicure. Cause you’re not leaving that chair again except to pee and change the filter in the coffee pot.”

Michelle: “What’s your damn hurry, Syd? Wasn’t the Caribbean good enough for you? And Australia, damn, people would give their left ear for a chance to take a trip down under. ”

Syd: “It’s not that I don’t like Australia. It’s great. Sydney’s harbor is phenomenal, the Outback’s striking, Beau’s ... mmm ... well, he’s just so unbelievably hot, I just ...”

Michelle: “Come on, Syd, wrap it up, I’ve got better things to do than sit here listening to your hormones kick into overdrive again.”

Syd: “Fine! Who’s in a hurry now, huh? If you had the big bad Mr. A. breathing down your neck, maybe you’d understand. Until that day comes, though, you’d better write your fingers to the bone with the Bone Dressing series. You’re the one that plunked me down in the middle of all this, hell, until then I wasn’t even a figment of your imagination! So, just post this Goddamn blog already. Let all my fans know it’s not my fault you haven’t finished Bone Dressing: The Dreaming yet.

Then, if you absolutely have to do something with pig meat, fine! Feed your hubby while he does the whole publishing thing. Just be sure everyone knows to look for Bone Dressing: The Dreaming in February, just in time for bloody Valentines’ Day.

Now, conversation’s over. Get me the hell back to the Outback so I can vent my frustrations on whoever’s stupid enough to walk in earshot of me.”

Michelle: “Aye aye, Capt’n!” God, I’ve created a monster! Wonder if they’ll have to carry me off in a straight jacket after I work my way through the remaining 6 books? My left eye’s already twitching every time I hear Syd’s voice in my head!

Syd: “Hello! I’m in your head, you little idiot! I can hear every single word!”

Michelle: “Fine! I’m parking my butt back in the Goddamn chair now! Next stop, the Australian Outback. Please, keep your hands and feet inside the ride at all times.”

Syd: “Smart ass! And you wonder where I get it from ...”