I'm in the midst of a wonderful adventure writing Bone Dressing: The Dreaming (book 2). That's one of the things I love most about writing, I feel it all, the happy, the sad and all the shiver-me-timbers in between. But, sometimes, in the midst of living, loving, working and writing, life steps in. And mine did just that, here's a taste of something a bit different from Syd ...
A breath slips slowly in ... a shiver traces its way through my body not liking the cold intrusion it brings.
I adore my life. I really do. It's a most perfectly wonderful, marvelous life and I couldn't wish for anything more.
Except when it isn't perfect. When it hurts and my hands get dirty. Or perhaps, better said, except when I let myself see the cracks instead of the whole ... The what's yet to be, instead of the already is ... The broken bits, instead of the unique perfection of this day, just the way it is ...
Another breath, just to keep the tears at bay. But with it comes a hope that makes my heart cry out in pain.
Still, the "already is" is exactly what I've always wanted, always needed, always held highest in priority. So, why am I so damn set on standing here dancing all alone in the cracks? Why is it so difficult to feel the life beneath my feet, the life breathing all around me, the life breathing ... and bleeding, within me?
Happily ever after ... sharp, cold, empty cracks ... happily ever after ... sharp, cold, empty cracks ...
Seems like such an easy choice to make. So incredibly simple. Perfectly clear.
But, the simple route is always so cluttered with all those who find themselves tempted by it ... And sometimes, the hurt feels good. Sometimes it's the hurt that speaks louder than the noise surrounding me. Telling me in no uncertain terms that this moment is real. Comforting the ache of hope with the ache of reality.
One more breath breaks in ... and I let it.
So. What next?
Nothing quite so dramatic as, "to be or not to be," as Master William would so very eloquently say. Still, perhaps no less important. Maybe even more so ... to choose happiness in this moment, today, just the way it is, or not?
I think that's one of the most difficult times to smile, when you think the day, your day, is broken. That it somehow needs fixing.
Maybe "beauty is in the eye of the beholder" is more than skin deep. Maybe it rests somewhere in the soul.
I guess life is just that simple, after all. So, Mr. Kleenex box, you're fired. Feet, you're on, take me where I need to go. I have a life to live, and a love to give.
And I'm taking my very first breath of it, now.